Sunday, 1 July 2012

I am about to be 23

( a happy acompanyment, on 2 or 3 levels )

23! What an surprise that is!
In hope of fending off  impending old-bastardom I've dyed my hair orange, a sure fire way of making oneself look 'younger and mentaler'..oh yeah, giz a job?

What have I achieved? I've lied so many times about what GCSE's I have I can't remember whether I  have, even a conservative 8.  I've got 3 AS levels; 2 D's in photography and psychology, and a U in philosophy. I can't even say for certain whether I've a degree because we get the marks tomorrow! Happy birthday, yeah?!

I've only ever broken my chin and coxicxix (the arse bone, however it's spelled), and most significantly, I've never died.
On the subject, and as I'm moving further and further from morose teenage liscence to be morbid, (two sad posts in a row is pushing it) Ill take this last opportunity to say this;

It both breaks my heart, and infuriates me on many levels, that trailblazing-troll and all-round cool-guy Dave Richmond, will never see the fruits of  his labour-

Time was, any man (not women who weren't allowed, much like the vote) could edit Wikipedia, lacing it with lies so pointless, they would often never be discovered.
Enter Dave's habit of writing himself into things, with the specific lie about  notable Byker Grove character 'drug dealer Dave Richmond from Whitley Bay whose trademark act of violence was the 'Whitley Smile'' whic has  now been sewn into so many sloppy, aspsuemed, false nostalic pieces of 'informtion' online.
It's strange to think that people will be now unconsicously straining out fake memories of Dave Richmond from whitley bay, and now memories is all there is...stranger still, come to think, a truth that has become resembling in a way the detail of that originally false article, is, coincidently, that a great number of folk have in tribute to Daves tattoo, an Acid house smiley face inked into them..a smiley mark for!?

Christ alive. After all that meta-tradge, I'll leave you on another tone - a card arrived yesterday from my Nana.  I cannot fail to be impressed by her almost valiant attempt to ignore my personality, or style, or whatever you want to call it. Any other card really, would have been more suited. Here it is :
The thing is, me and my nana are no strangers. It's not like she lived in like Lancaster and I only saw her at Christmas. My nana lived on the same estate, one street round from me, approximately 2 minutes walk, 45 seconds full sprint. I went to her house 3 times week for tea!

And yet I am gifted with a card that seems to feature quite accurate  portraits of the kind of girls who gave me grief in school for wearing black nail varnish and smoking dope.
At 23 I am not going to change my scruffy-lass stripes. This reminds me of  the pictures she showed me of me standing in the back yard miserably dressed as a 'Lyons maid'; I'm still not quite sure what one of those is, suggesting it was not my idea.
I also quite appreciate that her message is written with quotation marks around it .  I will indeed be seeing my nana soon, as I will be staying at her house, right where I used to live, for a day or two. Back to square one. And if I do fail my degree, I can just stay there forever and ever, and I wont have to think about london ever again, and I can only eat chip sandwiches, or crisp sandwiches, because I'll be under the roof of the woman who came out with the corker "what about...Is bacon meat?"

Mind you, she's fuckin amazing!

OH by the way, click >>heeeereeeee<<!

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