Thursday, 2 May 2013

Takes one to solve one

Drag self out of wretched dream, heatings on, sun shining through full  pajamas and teeshirt too.

Wine and hate and I can hear the mouse again, Milk and Tobacco and thank you, thank you

See off last of wine, resolution not to score breaks as soon as am verticle. Rememberance of bank account, yesterday like everything else, draining out at rock bottom, conspires against me otherwise.

Milk and Tobacco and thank you, thank you

Okay. scrape semi-desolved subutex out of blister pack. slot in gob. Best go out, get this sorted. Cycle with so little fuel, rockort weights on feet dimly propelling along. Slight incline ner the station nearly kills me. Lifting the bike up the stairs does kill me. Sit dead in the sunlight, overhearing. No, no, no, pop a fresh one out the blister pack. Snap, 4mg, insert.  Like Ken Barlow says,  must have done something pretty naughty once. Winge, sigh, wallow, grovvel,  milk? tobacco? not forthcoming, but thank you and thank you.

Make it over to that fucking shack, that fucking awful place.  Announce self, collapse into chair, wait for someone useless to help me at all.

Freak out, script denied, stumble lost, man going outside for smoke, please can I have one too? you look like you're about to cry love, whats up with you? At Chrystal Palace they shouted at us 'you fight your own, you fight your own', we sing back 'cos you run, because you raaaaaaahn' Light filterless snout with a lighter, millwall engraved, beyond or always or something like that.

Have half my Tobacco thank you, thank you, I'm just over there, here's my digits, drop call me, go to these meetings, look heres a book? can she have that? have that, and go to them, because the people cam in here, they dont want their recovery, Okay, I will do as you Say, I gte on the phone, and the lady's lovely. Thankyou.

So I get in, eat, don't stop to think, and I get up again, out, scooting along, feeling better, feeling nervous,  and a blank building with sun streaming in and smokers dodging out, and they point me and direct me and what comes between Must Be annonymas, but so many people hug and thank me and tell me again and again and again and again til I even start to believe some things. Gave me some milk, gave me some baccy, gave me other things and today I try, every day. Tomorrow, okay

Milk and Tobacco and thank you, thank you
Milk and Tobacco and thank you, thank you


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