Saturday, 14 April 2012

Bright Golden Future

Hello boys and girls. As you may be aware, if you are in study, and this is particularly likely, if you are one of my few followers, you're just about to get booted out of education...again! Can't get enough, can you?
Anyway, in this daunting time I thought I'd lend a hand, to soothe your frantically hyperventilating bossoms, and share with you some publications I've come across which have provided me with much reassurance and guidance as I await my last fat slap of student loan (roll on Apr16!). Soon, very, too, awfully, terribly, frightfully, bally, soon you will (if you're lucky) be entering...

Yes indeed, get ready that world! But wait, we're getting a bit ahead of ourselves already..WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY-WHY?

Check, MONEY. So that about leaves you clear to be an absolute fucking bastard doesn't it?
DO NOT WALK INTO THIS EASY MISTAKE.  Please copy the following  down :

Well done Macdonalds, more from you later! Idiotic public aside, you may well run in to other difficulties such as:

Foreign people:
Frightening new technologies:

Political turnmoil (verdict; don't rock the boat, Di):

Archaically named colleagues, bombs:

Orgies of danger:

Does this intimidate you? Does it send you running back under your textbooks in vain search of  cover, papercuts and tears? Maybe you'd like to continue studying, after all, you've only just learned how to learn, you've finally blown the shackle of your comprehensive school , no attention span, poor handwriting, poor organizational skills, must-try-harder ignorance and strange desire to, ney, choiceless, joyless drive to misbehave. You've learned letting off stink bombs in a university is not appropriate, and with that distraction out of the way, you've finally learned how to calmly absorb a Book.

Stunned at the revelation that your title after your BA will not be Dr, you've found out that there's even higher qualifications floating around, like an MA! Just do one of those! That'll keep the wolves from the reality asylum door-

Oh wait,

It's all incredibly expensive now isn't it. Gosh...if only there was some way in which you could work...perhaps even initially for free..and once you had enough skills study..and even get paid FOR it! Gosh I'd even do it from the age of fourteen (BECAUSE THAT ISN'T ILLEGAL WHEN YOU'RE NOT GETTING PAID)

Wake up kid, you're living in some kind of erm..what's the word,'s like make-believe..
Dream world, yes that's it, thanks again Nick. Only..

Dreams can come true.

Because that previously outlined Utopic "impossibility" is EXACTLY what McDonalds, no less, are offering. Wipe those tears, SPRINT to Primark and then take a look for yourself..

 '...and i just can't hide it!'

..I'm about to lose...definately something, and I think I like it!

You may, like me be wondering why? Why this awful facade? The 'Prospectus' sadly doesn't have, unlike like almost every other document produced since 2008 a section titled 'Our Philosophy'. Perhaps that's what the suspicious blank pages at the back hold? In white ink? I'll leave you to take a look at it, if you can stomach it, if there's any room in there with all the plastic happy meal toys I know you're all so fond of eating. I'll leave you with they progress up the evolutionary style chain, look how much fatter they get! hee hee! Also, it's nice to know that when you really get up there, with your souless eyes and bursting crotch, you get to influence government education bodies. We've learned by now not to expect to get our own way,  but it's comforting at least to see how those evil jigsaw pieces fit together, instead of being some big old mystery. Knowledge is power, after all.  Be Mc'seeing you X

Is there anything those kindhearted MCdonners wont do? just stumbled across a usually sychophantic propaganda peice in the dreaded News Guardian, informing us that McDonalds employees, and disabled school children alike (Southlands school is thus, as is not mentioned in the article) have been jollily roped into a little piece of unpaid labour, which, as seems McDonald's new all-encompassing endeavor, fills up the time on earth of some of the more struggling members of the British public, whilst concidently attempting to impress and endear, self-same non-plussed British Public.

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